December 18th, 2009

Good Reputations, Private Lives, & That Is Not The Way It Is

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Written by: Gene
I realize that it has been a while since I have written a blog, but the dad in me needs to vent.



Misty was getting ready today and was telling Mary about the latest drama in her class. It seems that this class is so full of drama queens that I would be shamed to be in it. Misty’s frustration rang loudly this morning.


It seems that there was a girl that was telling Misty and her group of peers about a rumor that was going around the school about her. At first I didn’t really listen to the conversation between Misty and Mary, but then Misty said what the rumor was. It seems that this poor girl was being run through the rumor mill because she didn’t shave her privates and the boys didn’t like her because of this disgusting lack of personal hygiene.


Needless to say, I was floored. Wow! I remember when it was a bad rumor for a girl to have held hands or kissed a boy. If it were rumored that she had sex, then that was a rare one. I didn’t hear very often, “every bodies having sex, so why can’t I?” In fact  it was mainly a boy that made that statement, but if a girl confessed to having sex she did so out of necessity. Yes, I did go to the “christian” school, but not everyone was “doing it”…


Has it gotten to the point that to have sex is no big deal, and what makes a person a potential lifelong mate is whether or not they maintain the hair on their stuff? Have we gotten to the point where a girl’s yeast infections are known through the school?


Has peer pressure gone beyond “common, let’s have sex” to “common, shave it and text pictures of it to me”? Have parents (especially mothers) stopped teaching their kids what shame is, and that there are some things that you don’t say or do in front of the opposite sex? Is there anything saved for the wedding night anymore?


While I am at it, why are parent’s so weak and selfish that they teach their kids by their actions and acceptance that it is ok to sleep around and then post it all over MySpace and FaceBook? I am all too guilty, because when I was going through a divorce, I started this blog in the hopes of having a outlet for all the junk I was going through. I never intended to air out my personal laundry, but I know that is what I did.


Divorce is never easy for kids, and really they hate the idea that their parents go back on the promise “till death do us part”. They expect their parents to live above board, and when their parents fall, it rips down everything good that their parents tried to teach them. What I wanted to do with my blog, was show them that I paid dearly for my mistakes, but that I would do my best to shield them from myself. I also wanted them to see firsthand how painful the price for my mistakes were.


What I didn’t want to tell them was that it was ok to throw shame out of the window, and embrace the mistake. I wanted to teach them to simply be ashamed of that mistake, repent and move on (doing better as I could, and relying on God’s grace while never abusing it).


There is a popular song going around called “Slow Fade”. The chorus goes like this:


It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade


The scripture tells us that “a good name is rather to be chosen than great riches”, and I fussed at Misty for allowing herself to be a part of that rumor mill. I explained to her that who she tells decides on whether or not she spreads the rumor or stops it.


I explained that if I told her that I didn’t like what her mom was doing, then I would be complaining. I would be complaining because Misty has no power to fix her mother. If I went to her mom and said that I didn’t like what she was doing, then I was addressing the issue, because only her mom can fix herself.


By talking about the rumor, she was spreading it. What she needed to do was support her friend by suggesting that they go to the person who can head it off. They could go to the individual, and say that the rumor is not right. If that didn’t work, then go to the teacher or principal.


Misty seemed to step back at going to the teacher (tattle tales), but she needed to understand that it would be better to face your enemy correctly, than to allow the rumor to reach them through the rumor mill. At that school, they will get suspended if there are two witnesses saying that you did something worthy of being suspended. By the time things are run through a rumor mill, you have a lot of false witnesses, and you will be facing a “weekend crucification” just like Jesus did. The point is not that there is a rule against excessive razoring, but that the rumor will lead to other rumors that will get her friend suspended.


It is sad, but it is true… Girls need to be even more careful. I have three daughters (and a fourth through Mary), and I know how boys think.





A girl has a rumor spread about her that she kissed a guy on the first date. Other guys will ask her out just to have that “first base” experience. Every date that she goes on the guy will try to kiss her, but she refuses.
The guys, not wanting to be left out spreads the rumor to include other lies. Other guys refuse to ask her out again because they didn’t get what they wanted. There might even be the one “good guy” that wants a “good girl”, and he is waiting…
Here is the girl’s mindset, “Every guy that asks me out wants to kiss me, so maybe that is how it is supposed to be.” Maybe her mindset is “I will only be asked out if I kiss the guys.” I have even seen the girl ignore the “good guy”, because she has allowed the definition of “love waits” to be distorted by “loves puts out”.


You have the guys feeling like they need to be hitting “home runs” to be men, and girls thinking that they need to “put out” to be loved.


Let me say this one thing…. “That is so friggin’ jacked up!”


At what point did we think we were defined as human beings by what our sexual activity consists of? No, God please help us if that is where we have gone. I am talking primarily to my fellow christians, who have forgotten that they are not the flesh that they live in.


That is not how it is. To believe other wise is to call God a liar, because He tells us “be not ignorant, God is not to be made fun of…. what you plant you will harvest”. We are not defined by our flesh in the kingdom of God.


It is one thing for the world to define themselves by the color of their skin, nationality, sexual preference, or the like. We as christians are not to be like this world, and we stop thinking like this world when we start thinking what the Word says and stop being so fleshly.


As christians we have no business defining ourselves by any aspect of our flesh. We also have no business thinking that God is tempting us, and we have absolutely no business asking our Lord what to do only to do other wise.


Let God be God, our Lord be our Lord, and our flesh take a hike.


Father God, I ask your forgiveness for the times I saw myself in the light of this fatty casing that I live in. Thank you for your Word, your son Jesus, your Holy Spirit, and your direction. I follow you where you want to go, and not where my flesh wants to go. My flesh is not who I am and it is not the boss of me.


About the Author

A husband to an awesome wife, father to 3 beautiful girls, step-father to a beautiful girl and smart son. Preacher, Designer and best of all a Servant to a loving and gracious God.

Abundant Grace PneumaStudios PneumaTV


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