April 7th, 2013

“I Like My Peace”

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Written by: Gene

I know from first hand experience, that many will disagree with my blog, but I am not concerned about pleasing people.

My blog, my Facebook, even back to my MySpace, my writings have always been a way for me to sort out my thoughts.

I started writing right after my ex moved out as a way to sort through the pain.

I was told that she could do better while she was taking everything that I worked for.

I was told that I had anger issues, and even had people tell me that they didn’t recognize me any more. “Shoot, you don’t recognize me? I didn’t even recognize myself any more.” So I started to write…

I made rules for myself as I wrote, and yes, I even vented as well.
The main rule, was that I had to end every post, with thanks to God, for getting me through. I learned this from King David in the Psalms. He would vent his heart out, but he also called out to God for help.
The second rule, was that I must, must, must use scripture as I wrote. I kept Bible Gateway open as I wrote and I would turn each writing into a Bible study. I didn’t do this to justify myself, but to keep me focused on the truth, even when I didn’t want to see it.

Using those 2 rules helped me to grow.

I was in pain, and I wanted healing. I was in strife, and I wanted peace. I was alone, and I wanted love. I was in rebellion, and I wanted restoration.

Jesus gave me all that I wanted and needed.

I felt led to do a study on strife, and that led to a year of 2 hours of prayer a day (one hour in tongues and 1 hour of praying scripture), and eventually writing a book. Yes it was a long road, but it was God’s plan, and I made the choice to follow it. I was like a hound dog on a new bone, and no one was going to take that from me.

After making it through that season of life, I made the blogs into a tangible book, and deleted the writings off of this website. It was time to start my new future, and doing this symbolized that transition. I allowed Mary to read that book before we got married so that she would know what I walked through with God’s help. God didn’t put me there, but He went in and pulled me through.

Through that time, I developed the saying, “I like my peace”

When the kids would fight, I would tell them that. I had no more room in my life for strife, and it was not going to have place in my future. I learned all the different ways that strife would come in, and how strife was passive as well as active.

I learned that if someone didn’t want you in their life, you weren’t responsible to minister to them, nor protect them. You can’t force people to love you, and if they want to leave, you let them go.

1 Corinthians 7:14-16 says, For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?”

I had to let her go, because she didn’t believe that I was worthy of her trust. The last act of love was to release her of her vows. “No ill feelings, you can go” Yes’ it hurts, but you can go.

I believe that is something, that Jesus has had to do for His bride, as well. I learned that Jesus knew what it was like to be divorced. He has had His bride leave Him, only to watch her take up with the devil.

One by one, I have had to let my kids go as well. One because she wanted strife, and the other 2 because “mom let’s me do what I want.”

Yes, it hurts to see them go through hell at times, but their rebellion towards your authority  is what caused that. I sat there and got blamed for every little thing, after my ex moved out, but she was the one who denied herself the benefits of God’s plan. It wasn’t me, and the same is true for my kids.

I did a study of Luke 15:11-32 that told me of the Prodigal Son when it came to my kids. Do I long to be restored to them? More than you know. Do I wish they would return home? Most definitely! Can I go to them? Sadly, no…

I must sit at the end of the driveway, looking into the “afar off,” waiting for them to leave the pig pin, and say, “dad I am sorry…” I just want to be able to say, “Nah, it’s all good now, let’s move on.”

I learned that if you are in rebellion, you shut God off. He still hears you, but you can’t hear Him. That was what happened to me when I ran from the ministry for 15 years.

I learned that Jesus forgave me over 2000 years ago. All He wants is for me to ask for it, and submit to His ways.

I learned that refusing to repent will separate you from those who love you. You can blame them all you want, but ultimately it is you who must repent. Each person must make that journey of repentance. Each person must submit to the authority that God placed them under.

Matthew 5:23-24 tells me, “ Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Luke 17:3 also says, “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.”

Your kids are not your equals. They might be your “brothers and sisters in Christ,” but God set up the authority. The Holy Spirit clearly told me to let Him work in this, and that I had to step aside. The greater thing is the concept that says, “If you have unforgiveness, forgive, and don’t try to beat a confession out of them.”

This comes from the story of the servant and the master in Matthew 18:33-35 that ends, “Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. ‘So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.'”

So I let them go, and pray for them. I forgave them long ago, and wait for them to return it. I hope that they will realize the price of rebellion, like I did. I see their suffering, and know their pain.

I will not always be here, and times are changing fast. There will come a point when I will not be as reachable, as I am now. Soon, I will be entering the next phase of God’s plan for my life.

Again, God knows what I am facing. Not only has Jesus’ bride skipped out on Him, but the Father’s kids have rebelled from the house rules, and publicly blamed Him for the problems that they have brought on themselves. The Lord, knows that time is short.

I have a slight clue what God feels as well… We confide in each other.

I miss the times we had, but I must move on, pray for restoration, and trust the Lord in this. If not now, then on the other side.

The church is one big dysfunctional family, and God just wants us to repent and be restored, sit down at the table, and have a peaceful dinner.

The devil and his strife isn’t invited.

Lord God, I long to be in Your arms, resting in Your house
Father, I look forward to seeing You waiting for me, at the end of the driveway.
Jesus, I await the day that You come to take me, to the home that You built us.
Holy Spirit, You are my friend

About the Author

A husband to an awesome wife, father to 3 beautiful girls, step-father to a beautiful girl and smart son. Preacher, Designer and best of all a Servant to a loving and gracious God.

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